Bus From Hell? I Think Not.

The route from Hanoi to Laos by bus is often referred to as the bus from Hell... I completely disagree. Driving around the countryside of Vietnam then Laos is nothing short of spectacular (especially in a Valium induced euphoria) – there are rice terraces, lakes, mountain ranges, mist creeping over hills, thunderstorms, and locals farming and children playing. It is nothing short of delightful... as long as you don’t mind spending the better (or full) part of a day on a bus.

I have done the journey from Hanoi to Vientiane (Laos) before – it was 25 hours on a seated bus crammed with locals, my friend’s bag was stolen, and I sat next to a highly irritating girl... Well this time I was still sitting next to a highly irritating girl (just kidding Katie!) but at least I had a bed.

On my first trip by bus (3 years ago) we stopped just across the Laos border and I had no local currency with me so I couldn’t buy breakfast. Luckily the driver was kind enough to give me two free shots of rice wine, then he drank the rest of the strong liquor...

How would this trip from Hanoi to Phonsavan compare? As I said earlier, driving through rural areas, by bike especially, but also by bus, really gives you a good insight into everyday life. I would really encourage people to travel this way if you have the time – flying is like using a computer game cheat code to move onto the next level quicker. You don’t get the full experience.

Here is the breakdown of our journey from Hanoi, Vietnam to Phonsavan, Laos:

Cost - $34 (£22)

5pm – Expected hotel minivan pickup time.

5.30pm – Actual hotel minivan pickup time.

6.30pm – Arrived at Hanoi bus station.

7pm – Left Hanoi bus station.

9.30pm – Stopped for 30 minutes in a crud-hole for dinner and the toilet. This was the negative aspect of the bus – the toilet on the bus was disgusting and the ones at “service stations” were even worse!

2.30am – The driver stopped somewhere strange (possibly Vinh) and turned on all the lights, waking everyone up, and proceeded to fill every inch of the bus with cargo. I used this opportunity for a roadside piss. Left 30 minutes later.

7am – Arrived at Nam Cam border. Tried to exit Vietnam but the guards were being incredibly slow.

8am – Finally stamped out of Vietnam.

We cross into Laos-land

9.45am – Everyone eventually obtained a Laos visa, despite people not bringing dollars (idiots!) and after nearly three hours, we left the border. The views were stunning at this point.

12.45am – The bus arrived in Phonsavan and we said our goodbyes. Passengers foolishly remained for another 6-10 hours until they reached Luang Prabang, rather than stopping to see the beautiful city of Phonsavan and the Plain of Jars.

Sleeper Bus Tips – How to ensure a decent journey

1.   Fully charged MP3 player for all night listening.

2.   Eye Mask

3.   Inflatable Pillow

4.   Hoody for blanket or additional pillow

5.   Sleeping pills

6.   Breakfast, lunch and dinner – the “restaurants” where we stopped in Vietnam were filthy. Always bring plenty of meals, snacks and water.

7.   Toothbrush and paste.

8.   A positive attitude is essential to surviving long distance bus travel.Also try and break up the journey like we did by stopping after the border.

9.   Hide your valuables and keep your bag by the window.

10.  Pray your driver is having a good day.

11. Everything you need for visas – money, photos, etc.

The best shot I could get out of a bus window.

Wired & Wonderful: Vietnam

Notice the clever retitling of this post - that's 
because Vietnam is mad for wiring. Seemingly 
millions of wires hang from every orifice.

Street lamps disappear behind a tangle of wires.

An abandoned piss-bag-drink left by a tramp?

Real elephants' feet apparently

Birds doing it doggy style

Yep even more wires...

Not one of these fools still plays for Arsenal

Is that a willy?

Beer on moped - don't drink and drive

Pert

Ice on moped - this is how diarrhoea starts

Going in for the kill...

Chickens on moped - do they count as free range?

Real hair!

Crazy Buddhas!

Turtle-topiary 

We saw a few of these shops, which only sell milk

The Vietnamese currency is called dong

Poor Babe

Roadside chicken outside hairdressers

This one had a megaphone telling
everyone to be even noisier!

Cave formation at Ha Long - a "canon"...yeh, sure

A floating tuck shop

Vietnam In My Mouth

One of Vietnam's most famous dishes: Pho (f-uh). 
It's a noodle soup with onions and meat, that varies in 
flavour from city to city. The best is said to be in Hanoi, 
and I am inclined to agree - it has a bit more flavour.

Slightly different Pho. 

Classic fresh spring rolls. A pain in the arse to eat, because 
the wrapper is dead tough and sticky, and the filling falls out 
at the blink of an eye. Tasty though, with a lovely crunch.

These fresh rolls had pork in, and were delicious.

Made from the same ingredients as above,
but deep fried and of course, better for it.

Chicken Hot Pot. The sauce was soy and really
rich, and the onions were caramelised beautifully.

Eels up inside ya, finding an entrance where they can!
The bones were annoying, but it tasted ok, with a  fishy feel.

A delicious meat and noodle dish, flavoured with
peanuts, fresh herbs and chilli. Perfection.

Grilled aubergine...naturally.

1 - The salad element of Dave's epic set dinner.
Chicken, onions, carrots, herbs, all shredded and
combined with a delicious dressing...

2 - Crispy fried won tons (open), topped with veg,
prawns and chicken, in a sweet and sour sauce.
One of the best things we had in Vietnam.

3 - The main dish. Saffron and lemon grass
steamed fish. Lots of bones but very well cooked.

4 - Ok well not included in the set menu, but at 12p,
that's right, twelve English pennies for a delicious beer,
and just £3.30 for the meal, it's a right bargain!

Cau Lao - a very traditional noodle dish from Hoi An.
Flat rice noodles, topped with pork, chillies,  fresh herbs
and crunchy fried croutons (thanks to the French).
This meal will fill you up and leave your mouth happy.

Another Hoi An speciality - White Rose.
They are glutinous rice dumplings filled with prawn.
Dave said they were "deliciously average".

Duck and pineapple hot pot. A bit too sweet for
my liking, but tasty meat and beans.

Crunchy corn shell stuffed with meat and prawns.
The satay dipping sauce really made it special.

Pork, grilled  on lemon grass skewers, with salad and rice
paper wraps, and a lovely peanut dipping sauce. 

Weird crispy noodles with vegetables. The texture
of the noodles was reminiscent of Skips...odd.

Pork in caramel sauce, with a weird egg.
It seemed to have been cooked for so long
that the outside was tough and chewy. We
also got our favourite morning glory with garlic.

This weird vegetable was served as "dessert".
It had the texture of apple, but the flavour of
 sugar snap peas - apparently it's a kind of radish.

Wow. A mountainous plate of beef, onions and veggies, with
bread, a mean dipping sauce and a grill to cook it all on.
The Vietnamese version of our much loved Korean barbecue.

This lovely lady cooked up a couple of omelette sandwiches
for us at the side of the road.

These weird oreo-wannabes had coffee cream
inside, but from a distance, smelt of tuna. Weird.

An amazing ice cream sundae, from the 
famous Fannys, in Saigon. Coffee, vanilla, 
caramel ice cream with caramel sauce

Dave couldn't get enough!

Strange fruit from a stranger on the train.
Kind of like a lychee, but with a milder flavour.

Horrible taro flavoured ice cream.

This was a weird one. Mango and
chocolate shake - not as good
as it could have been, since it wasn't
fresh mango or real chocolate.