Captains blog 28/01/2011
Be prepared. Not scared.
That's what I keep repeating to myself - I mean it's useful but more importantly it rhymes and I'm a sucker for poetry. So preparation for me is making endless lists of things to take and whatnot so I don't forget my nail scissors because they definitely don't sell them in Busan, Korea, home of the World's largest department store.
Being scared, on the other hand, involves me sitting in a dark room breathing heavily in a panic attack state while resisting the urge to use my gun to paint the walls with my brain. I realise it's only a BB gun so the best I can hope for is blinding myself in one eye and maybe spraying some tears on my nicely newly decorated wall.
I'm writing this blog, which I share with my beautiful girlfriend Katie, as a way of keeping up my writing, amusing peeps and letting my parents know that I haven't died in a nuclear holocaust. I'm allowed to say holocaust because I'm a Jewthiest, i.e. atheist who has more Jewish blood than the butt of a German rifle in the 40s.
So the plan: Me and Katie (or is it Katie and I?) are moving to Busan, South Korea, to teach Engrish for a minimum of 12 months. Wow, I know, we're cool / crazy / unsure of what to do in life / terrible at English but 3 weeks today is the arrival date and no I'm not prepared and yes I am scared!
Things you should probably know: I speak no Korean besides "annyong" meaning hello (courtesy of Arrested Development). This means I have to navigate myself around Busan without being able to read anything, which will be kind of like trying to find a needle in a massive pile of needles while only using my penis, in the sense that it's gonna be painful and confusing as to why exactly I've decided to do this...
What I know about Busan is that it's the second city of South Korea. The Birmingham of Korea then ... so full of Asians and people who I can't understand - a fair assessment one might say. Oh and it has a beach so fuck you Birmingham.
We applied for our visas today in the Korean embassy which had the lowest security in the World. It was protected by not one, but two tiny Korean girls who almost fell over when I sneezed. This is when I came up with a new acronym (KILF - Korean I Like to Fuck) - Katie really appreciates this one. Prepare to see that one a lot (with photos ;)). We also went to STA travel to get some random young person's international card that may give me discounts somewhere maybe. Anyway we met a very annoying girl in STA who just really grated on my for no reason besides the fact that she spoke quite posh and her natural lip position seemed like she was performing Blue Steel from that Ben Stiller movie.
We also recently bought matching bags that we'll be using to transport our ENTIRE lives with us to Korea. That's correct - matching bags, we're cooler than a cucumber with sunglasses smoking a spliff listening to grime.. The bag is only 120 litres in size so I should have enough whiskey while I'm there, ay? Aren't I such a lad!?. Seriously though, why are bags measured in litres? Is it only for people that shop duty free? I think socks would be a better measurement. That bag can fit 4000 socks. Really? I can wear 10 socks a day when I'm in Korea then - fabulous!
The bag, by the way, is very girly and I'm concerned the scraps of manlihood I still cling on to may disappear when I turn up in Busan after a 17 hour flight, tired, confused and dragging my 6 year old niece's suitcase with me. Anyway, I want people's first impression of me to be that I'm a big softy and then bang! I can punch them in the face unexpectedly.
Note to self: Stop watching UFC.
Apart from that, I don't have much more to say. Next time you read, I'll be in Korea.Or I may be in England writing a blog rather than preparing for this great adventure.