Back for two months and I feel both more at home, and more lost
than I ever did while I was away. Being back with my family is brilliant. Not
seeing them was the hardest part of being abroad and I am so happy to be back
at home. I’m not going to lie, I did enjoy living alone in Korea and being
back in my parents’ house does feel like a bit of a step in the wrong direction
but fortunately I like living with them, sitting on their sofa, watching their
big television and eating out of their well-stocked fridge! Being in a home,
rather than just a temporary accommodation, is a lovely feeling. That said, I
can’t shake this feeling of being adrift, aimless, lost. What do I do now?
Where do I want my life to take me? How long will this limbo last before I
start my next adventure…whatever it may be? I’m not talking about my next
holiday but rather, about the bigger picture. I strongly believe that life is
about the journey, not the destination but I can’t help but feel the need to at
least pinpoint my next pit stop. I don’t need to know exactly where I’m
heading, but I would like something to aim for and right now “getting a job”
feels far too vague. All around me, friends are making big steps – moving in
together, getting engaged, buying houses, starting a career. It’s hard not to
be a bit jealous of the certainty they must be feeling.
Back for two months and my diary is already full! I didn’t have
a diary at all while I was away but I’m so glad I bought one when I returned. Almost
every weekend between now and December has something penned or pencilled
in, and it’s not exactly going to get quieter as we approach Christmas. The
real world has been easy to readapt to for the most part, but getting used to
making plans that involve more than two people was one thing that took some practise. Thank goodness for facebook events and instant messaging! For
the last five months of my trip I was constantly on the move. The longest I
stayed in any one place was a week, and that only happened twice. Making plans
and having weekends away should satiate my itchy feet for a while, which my
bank balance will thank me for. So I shouldn’t complain about having a busy
social calendar, as I imagine it’s the one thing that will keep me sane in this
jobless, directionless, tea-filled limbo.
Bank for two months and my room is already full. How is this
possible? Before going away I assessed every trinket, ever piece of clothing in
my room before throwing it away, sending it into the loft or giving it to my
cousins. I was expecting to come home to the bare minimum of possessions, and
yet somehow, with half of my things still in the loft, my room is already
cluttered. This is partly due to James having relegated me to the smaller
bedroom, but I suppose I must be more of a hoarder than I realised. Living out
of a backpack was freeing, but that’s because priorities are different when
you’re on the road. Being able to pick up everything and leave on a whim is
essential. But now that I’m back, for me at least, minimalist living just wouldn’t
feel homely. I like shelves full of books and memories cluttering every
surface. I appreciate not having to ration my socks, although I’m finding
choosing what to wear quite difficult now that I have more than four options.
Don’t get me wrong, I have developed some of the usual post-travelling hippy
mindset and I do have doubts that most of this stuff is bringing me any real
happiness, but I’m not going to throw away things I already own, just to make a
point. I could donate clothes and books to charity, and I may well do so, but
how much of that money would the people of Laos
and Cambodia
really see? I do feel a need to help, but I am going to have to really consider
how I can best aid the bomb-riddled lands of South East
Asia . I’m not just going to guiltily throw money at the problem to
make myself feel better. I need to find another way.
This post has developed more of a sombre tone than I
expected but I assure you, I am over the moon to be back and relishing the
silver lining of any cloud that crosses my path. I am also relishing the rain
and cool temperatures that the clouds bring too! Besides, I’ve only been back
for two months and the next adventure is already planned.
Watch this space, because the summer of 2013 is going to be
spicy!