Beach Vendors

Living in Rio de Janeiro, the beach is undoubtedly the most popular place to be. And whenever there are a lot of people, there are a hell of a lot of other people trying to make a few reais... hopefully by selling you things. This post is going to take a quick look at these guys and talk about the variety of popular snacks other items that are sold in this sandy landscape.

I have to admit I am a big fan of the beach vendors in Rio. They do not force themselves into your personal space or ask you direct questions. They simply walk up and down the beach shouting out the various snacks and wares that they sell. It's a much better system as there are enough of them to be useful but not so many that it is imposing or annoying. These guys are very friendly and just trying to scrape together a living like the rest of us.

These guys and girls are walking vans (vandors if you will) carrying a lot of product over the hot sand; no easy task.

A lot of people have the smart idea of selling clothes on the beach, usually hats, sarongs and weirdly, bikinis. Who needs to buy a bikini when they are already on the beach?! Well, maybe the Cariocas, as they don't quite seem to know what a bikini is...they seem to think a few thin straps held together with smoke are enough to adequately cover their...Sugarloafs.

He even has a mirror on the top so you can check yourself out in your new cool hat.

These strong fellas lumped a heavy box of sandwiches... and a trumpet with them. They were the most intrusive vendors we came across as occasionally one of them would stop and play the trumpet with some skill but at an almighty volume. Interesting technique but didn't seem to be the most successful.

Please excuse the low quality of this image, but can you see the contraption this ice cream seller is using to drag his delicious product about? He has made his own beach kart. It would probably have taken me 10 years of vending on the beach to figure something like this out. I am not even joking.

Tasty ice lollies are tucked away in this man's box. Delightful! There's also a dude who sells fresh fruit salad (smothered in condensed milk so as not to be too healthy!)

A man selling pies on a beach! He had a strong arm too!

Men walk along selling meats and cheeses on sticks and the smell of their portable BBQs is very enticing. The cheese is like halloumi and is coated in oregano - delicious!

This guy trudges along all day, sloshing liquid around with him. He is selling Mate, a popular ice tea although I imagine his is more like sun-warmed tea. He was also wearing a big black beard (not as though you can tell with the photo), and I couldn't help but wonder if it was a disguise...?

The lifeguards are offering safety to the beach-goers. And never forget it, because the undercurrents of the bocas are very strong! The biggest threat on the beach however, are the umbrellas, which get uprooted by high the winds and like to fly at you with great force!

Kids beach toys. He knows a good customer is one who isn't worried about being ripped off, and that's a child. Get one of them involved and their parents will be forced to buy a toy just to shut them up.

Tucked away in this man's box were, believe it or not, crabs. I kid you not. The Crab Man!

This is a very common beach snack in Brazil called Globos. Similar to a wotsit or quaver in texture, with a satisfying crunch, they are very greasy with a strong taste of oil and really not our cup of tea.

This man was selling cuzcuz - a very popular beach dessert of tapioca grains, condensed milk and coconut. Very sweet and a weird thing to eat on the beach but it seems to be a consistent winner with the sunbathers!

A family selling corn on the cob, wrapped in the husk. A delicious healthy snack, although the worst possible thing to be offered when you have just had wisdom teeth surgery!

Koreastmas Vans

The vans are back baby. It’s Koreastmas time so I decided to give out some Koreastmas cheer in the form of a van blog. I’ve been collecting photos in the build up to Koreastmas in an attempt to build a festive themed blog that explains how vans are essential to having a good Koreastmas.

The first stage of Koreastmas is selecting a good tree to sit in your living room and this van helps with that.

Delivery not included

This van doesn’t have a large / any selection but it does have a tree that your children will never forget. They’ll never forget it because you’ll have to knock down your living room wall ceiling to get this in your house. Also, it isn’t actually a Koreastmas tree.

If you’ve managed to forget to buy any presents, do not stress because the gift van is here just for you.

Buy a prepackaged gift to give to your love ones. Sorted.

Disclaimer: Prepackaged gift may contain raw fish.

Need an emergency gift for the forgotten child that your cousin has? Try this van out for size.

Get some sparkly dresses as well.

After stuffing ourselves with Koreastmas dinner, we all tell ourselves that in the new year we will shed the weight - well here is a van to help! Kick start your post-Koreastmas exercise regime today and help yourself to stop looking like chubby old Santa.

Running Van

I would love to try one of these while on a moving van. It’s the closest I would get to being Usain Bolt / T1000.

So we’ve got our gifts and tree, and we’re in shape so what else do we need?! The most important thing: food. Here are some handy Koreastmas ideas for you to try.

What about some shrimp? I hear seafood is getting more popular at Koreastmas.

How about mussels?

Who wouldn’t want a bag of stinky mussels dripped all over their carpet on Koreastmas day?

Forgotten your vegetables? Fear not! This vegetable van will help you out.

It wouldn’t be Koreastmas without a few roast potatoes – yum yum yum!

So we have food, gifts, a tree and we’re all in shape. Well Koreastmas time is the time for adventure so this is where the candyvan comes in.

Stand in front of this van and say “candyvan” three times and you will be greeted by the Candyman. A true Koreastmas adventure.

Not this Candyman but the owner of the van (pictured) who has a terrible temper on him and a strict no loitering policy.

John Candyman

And now we are all set for Koreastmas, so enjoy the festive season and don’t forget about the true meaning of Koreastmas: A young man called Jesus who dressed up as a fat man and gave out gifts to children...Or something like that.

RIP Vans

...But long live the random vans.

This will be my last post on vans, I promise, so prepare yourself suitably. I’ve been taking lots of photos of vans and I’ve been getting lots of strange looks and experiencing lots of strange smells. Everything that has a beginning has an end, and if you remember, at the beginning I promised you the crème de la crème of vans, the Supervan if you will. Now it’s the end, here comes the cherry, on the icing, on the cake, on the hooker’s stomach. The Royal wedding was nothing, this is where the excitement begins...

No, this is not the supreme van you all crave for. This is the handyman van. Need an odd job done, then call this guy and he’ll come whizzing around the corner and cut you a key, fix your piping, replace your water pump. All from within his van - he has power tools and everything all hooked up.

This is the shade van. Koreans hate the sun as much as I do and often need to escape from its cancerous rays so they have vans which will provide you with cover when the sun is brightest. Don’t expect to use this at midday unless you get a ticket from the ticket van.

This is the nap van where you can catch 40 winks on a smelly mattress. Also known as the shag van... or clap van.

You had the flower pot men, now you have the flower pot van!

Picture this scene: You are late and it’s your anniversary and you have bought nothing. Well the flower pot van will save the day. You are meeting someone you hate who has hay fever. The flower man comes in handy again. You just ran over and killed someone in your car. Don’t worry, the flower van will not only provide the flowers, but also the sticky tape to attach them to the bloodstained lamppost.

So you have a cold or you think your new girlfriend may be a witch? No problem; the herbal remedy van will sort you out.

And now, the moment that you’ve all been waiting for. It’s the big daddy, the el padrino, the Supervan van.. Picture yourself on a sunny day walking down your local street and you realise you’re a little peckish... Well, fear not because the crème de la crab van is here.

No, not the venereal disease crabs but the friendly face hugging crustacean! Imagine this parked up on Oxford Street: “Crabs for sale, get your crabs love!” I ask this question to any Korean out there: “When are you ever in need of a crab as a snack?” It’s the most inconvenient snack food ever; you have legs, you have shells, you have claws! From the country that sells the convenient jenga drink-snack, I deplore the complexities of the crab snack!

Well the vans are “pinishedee” (finished) as my students would say. Join us again soon when we’ll update you about more weekend funtivities and we’ll (yes, I’m still here!) be starting a new feature soon.

There is life after vans.

The snack vans are dead...

Long live the clothing van. It’s been all about the land fish van, the herb van and the protein wet dream van. Now this week, we are going to explore the clothing van. I find these incredibly helpful as you never know when you might need a spare t-shirt on those hot sticky summer days.

We’ve all had the bad dream where we’ve been walking somewhere and suddenly realised that we are naked and need to cover our shame. Fear not people! Because in Korea, they are so frightened by this very concept, they have decided to place vans that sell everything you would need to cover up your wobbly bits. For instance the t-shirt van will hide those manboobs you have from eating all those fried snacks and chicken feet.

The sock van will not only help protect your feet but also provides you with a vital aid for a man when he needs to cover up his dangly bits.

 

This van not only provides socks but tights. For all you wannabe superheroes and Robin Hood impersonators out there, Korea is the country for you! Imagine Clark Kent leaving the house without his Superman outfit, well he could just buy some more tights and make a makeshift superhero outfit. Actually that’s just stupid; he can easily fly home at super speed and get his own costume – so why does the tights van exist?

The cap van that buzzes around town sure is cool. I think he should also sell sunglasses but maybe I’m just crazy – you’ve got a market, stick to it. It’s a shame he doesn’t do the Robin Hood style hats cos then, with the tights, you could really complete the Kevin Costner Prince of Thieves look when you have forgotten an outfit to the fancy dress party. Note to self: Stop mentioning Kevin Costner in the blog.

Well after this van, I’m starting to think if I did wonder the streets naked and could only wear what I found in van, I would be getting closer and closer to becoming a drag queen. Fully fitted with tights, head bands, earrings, and necklaces – Me and Eddie Izzard would be ready to hit the town.

If all else did fail, I guess you could always wrap yourself up in seaweed.

See you soon...

The healthy snack van is dead...

Long live the unhealthy snack van. Last week, it was all about the fruits, the herbs and the protein wet dreams. This week I take a look at the unhealthy side of snack vans. We start with the crisp van that is always buzzing around my flat shouting about its products.

Notice the size of some of those bags. This guy must be a wholesaler or something. Imagine a schoolboy walking home, after a long day of being bored by his useless native English teacher, and buying himself some crisps... 5 kg of crisps! It’s insane! The boy makes Gary Lineker look like he has a potato allergy.

This is the blood sausage van, which is conveniently placed on my way to the gym. Blood sausages to me are just lazy. I mean we could separate the meat and the blood but fuck it. Who cares? These idiots will buy anything when they’re drunk...or on holiday.

I’m not sure this is really unhealthy but seriously, a fish van. This goes against nature for me. Fish should be sold by ports, in markets, on submarines and boats but never on land transport. You wouldn’t sell chickens on a floating rig in the ocean would you? Unless you’ve suddenly be transported to Waterworld, in which case I think I’ll just end it all rather than watch Kevin Costner struggle to act.

Hmmmm the fried snack van serves up sweet little treats for your convenience. I wonder what happens when the van is moving and there is some deep frying going on, sounds dangerous to me. The man did not take my concern for his safety with such grace though.

I’m gonna say goodbye now before leaving you with one final very unhealthy van. Join me next week for another van special.

This is just ridiculous. I mean, honestly, eating wood can’t be healthy, can it?

The ice cream van is dead...

...Long live the healthy snack van! I have yet to see an ice cream van in my 6 weeks in Korea but have come across a multitude of healthier alternatives. I’m on a mission from God to photograph every type of van I encounter and am still missing a van I saw on one of my first nights that would be the crème de la crème of vans (to be revealed when I have a photo). So without further ado and French sayings, I give you the fruit selling van.

I came across this beauty on my walk to the gym – he seems to focus his time on strawberries. The next fruit van I came across was opposite this first van. Having a rival van opposite seems a bit silly. Do they follow each other round all day stealing each other’s clients or are they more friendly, swapping fruits and exchanging preservation ideas? Here’s a photo.

This van focussed on apples and oranges for the lower level of clientele. My own personal protein wet dream is next (aren’t all wet dreams protein based?) That’s right, it’s the egg van!

I wonder if on Halloween if the sales of eggs to youths drastically rise and whether pumpkin vans will start popping up everywhere. I love the egg van because as a daily egg eater, it is good to know that a supply is always circling my local area. How about a popped snacks van?

This little beauty makes and sells everything from popcorn to poprice (puffed rice)… Okay so not much variety then. Yet check out the volume of produce they make!

Last but not least is the herb van.

This van sells a variety of herbs for cooking unlike the herbs sold by Engrand’s ice cream vans, which have an entirely different purpose.

I hope you enjoyed this Friday van blog treat.  안녕히계세요